This isn’t a well-put-together-blog post, it’s me unloading my brain to the internet. Sometimes it feels good to share your honest thoughts and just get it all out. I’m a bit nervous to post this.
The last couple of weeks have been real ‘meh’ weeks.
I’m usually really good at getting on with things and I love to work hard, get everything done, tick everything off my to-do list, be organised and be busy. I’ve tried to do this, but with everything I do, I just have felt, unmotivated, not good enough, really low energy, all those sorts of feelings.
This isn’t a negative post, its a real talk – sharing current feelings.
My full time job is online, if social media shut down, I’d be pretty much pooped, but isn’t it a funny ole place? This social media shiz. I’ve written about this before and I’m not afraid to say it – but is social media really good for us?
For a long time, I would compare compare compare, compare against others online, compare my photos, compare my looks, compare my life, and it would just make me feel awful, but it was like an addiction, I wouldn’t out my phone down, I’d continue to look. Then for the last few months, I’ve felt really focussed on what I’m doing, I’ve been happy with what I’m doing and I haven’t been phased by what others are doing. I’ve just been concentrating on what I’ve been doing, which felt so great! Then for the last few weeks – I’ve gone back to this compare mode. Nothing feels good enough. Am I doing enough? Am I doing the right sort of things? I had to unfollow a few mega-insta-hot-bod-babes because in my meh mood, I was scoffing down the mini eggs, scrolling through instagram and feeling like bruce bogtrotter from Matilda.
Being in this social media bubble, I know that what you see online isn’t as rosy and as perfect as it looks. I know it isn’t exactly real life. That’s why I love instagram stories, they’re a much more clearer representation of ‘real life’.
I don’t know about you girls, but around my period, sometimes it can really affect me. I get the obvious period pains, back ache etc but OMG my mood and my self esteem can just plummet. I literally feel like a different person. It’s so hard to explain. I’ve very briefly touched on that I struggled with PMDD (a severe PMS) and actually was taking medication for this, but I stopped around 6 months ago as I thought I was in a better place and could handle it. And I was, then the last couple of weeks, I feel I’ve taken 10 steps back. But I guess, as an outsider, no one would ever know? I’ve been posting my instagram posts with chirpy captions – from the outside, nothing is different, but to me, everything feels different.
This post is a bit rambled and its not supposed to be a well drafted and written blog post, it’s me, unloading my thoughts. Also whilst I’ve been in this ‘meh’ stage, I can’t focus fully on anything? My mind is being distracted left right and centre. Hence this post is a little all over the place.
Even just writing this I’m feeling a little ‘weight off my shoulders’ and I think I’m coming to the end of this phase. Is it the weather? was it my long lasting bitch period? Is it in my head? Is it social media?
I don’t know the answers, but I think we all go through things like this, and we have to ride the wave.
It’s Tuesday morning, its just gone 9am, I’ve got a big but good to-do list to do today and I’m going to power on with it and, I know it’s such a cliché saying, but remember, that sometimes it’s ok not to feel ok. And feelings like this do pass, I know they do.
Some people might not get it, some people might be reading this thinking, pull yourself together but if you know, you know what it’s like and you can’t just snap out of it. I bloody wish you could! I feel guilty for feeling like this because, I’m so lucky; I’m healthy, I’ve got amazing family and friends and I have my dream job, but sometimes I just can’t control the way I feel.
Sending lots of love and if you’ve reached the end, thanks for listening to me blab!
‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about’.